Listen, I know my boyfriend told me not to call. I mean, he said, very specifically, that he didn't need to talk to me right now. That it was a time for family. That he needed to see to their needs before worrying about everything or anything else.
And I totally understand. His family just suffered a loss. A big one. I'm not sure how I would handle losing someone or being in that situation. But, I totally get it. He needs to be with his family. Though, I have to admit, since we haven't been talking very much in the past few weeks, I really felt like maybe he should have said more to me than, "It's okay. I'll be fine. I just need to spend time with my family."
I mean, I AM his girlfriend.
Well, not officially anymore. But I figure it's jut one of those times where we needed to be apart. You know. Space. Space is good for couples.
But he neeeeeeeds me. I know he does. He said as much. Not with his actual words, no. But because I could just tell. Through his words. In his text messages. He told me he didn't need me to come and see him. But what he really means is that I should go and see him.
That's what he needs. He needs me right now. Needs me in his time of loss. I know he does. I know because I need him, too.
(The inspiration for this little bit of free writing was something that actually happened a number of years ago. A girl that I had once dated, then later became 'friends' with, started dating somebody completely different.
He was a pretty good guy. Stable. Smart. Very mature. This girl was the opposite of these things. She blew through money like there was no tomorrow. She was insecure and constantly rationalized everything. She said 'you know what I mean?' a lot. It got old.
Somehow, though, she landed this really great guy. Eventually, her insecurities were so bad, she broke up with him. Not because there was any drama. There wasn't. But she started perceiving that something was wrong, so she called off their relationship.
Not long after that, he suffered a terrible tragedy in his family. Naturally distraught, he was spending time with his family.
She, in her amazing glory, started IM'ing me, wondering if she should go see him, even though he repeatedly told her he didn't need her there. To this day, I wish I could have instilled in her that her even asking the question made her the worst person in the world. People had died, and she was turning the whole thing into something about her.
I was already pretty done with her at the time. But even more so after that. I don't hate is a strong enough turn.
And sorry for the shorter free writing. With free writing, I'm at the mercy of my emotional pulls.)